Gift of Time May be the Best Gift of All
MANHATTAN, Kan. -- Holiday gatherings bring families together, and two Kansas State University specialists are encouraging families and friends to build on the spirit of the season in the new year.
Maintaining the connections with family and friends throughout the new year can add joy to life and serve as the foundation for a support system during the inevitable ups and downs in life, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, K-State Research and Extension family systems specialist.
"Time is a factor for everyone," said Olsen, who urges scheduling time for yourself and your relationships on a weekly basis.
Doing so can be just as important as scheduling a school or business conference, she said.
In educating couples as to how to improve communications skills to enhance -- and strengthen -- their relationship, Olsen encourages setting aside time for a walk, cup of coffee or conversation about their day each day.
In saying that, she also advises couples to turn to each other, listen intently, and leave discussions about family issues, finances or employment for another time.
"A couple's relationship serves as the basis of their -- and their family's -- life together, said Olsen, who explained that couples should not feel guilty about scheduling time for their relationship or a date.
Relationships evolve with the natural stages of life. Newly married couples will have more time to spend with each other than young parents, yet after the children are grown and on their own, a couple may also feel a time crunch caring for aging parents or extended family, said Olsen, who handed the conversation over to Deb Sellers, K-State's specialist on adult development and aging. Sellers is a colleague of Olsen’s in the School of Family Studies and Human Services based in the College of Human Ecology at K-State.
Age should be not viewed as a deterrent in nurturing relationships with family and friends, Sellers said. And, while consistency is key to making the connection and building a successful relationship, it can be particularly important for older adults, who typically see their circle of family and friends shrink, Sellers said.
Making time for everyone isn't easy, but it is worth doing and will usually add value to life, she added.
Finding the right combination in making a successful connection may take time, yet a regular call, afternoon running errands together, a ride on a sunny day, or simply sitting together and looking through photographs can help to maintain a personal connection and a relationship, she said.
And, while computer-savvy older adults may check e-mail regularly, letters and cards are appreciated, Sellers said.
"Having something tangible to read and re-read is comforting," said Sellers, who noted that many older adults will often hang on to cards to display them long after a celebrated day or occasion.
"Be authentic. An unscheduled or impromptu visit may be the highlight of the day for an older adult and much more successful in nurturing a relationship than a hurried, obligatory visit," Olsen said.
Encouraging older adults to volunteer within the community or their living area, and to engage in educational and social opportunities to meet others with similar interests also can help to expand an otherwise shrinking social circle and support system, Sellers said.
"And, be responsive to the cues that others give you," Olsen said. When greeted with "What a great day, the sun is shining," think about a follow-up such as "The warmth feels good, doesn't it?"
A positive response will generally open the door for conversation -- and nurture a relationship, she said. When another person grumbles or turns away, he or she has lost the opportunity to make a connection.
Successful relationships require effort, but the two K-State specialists agree that a gift of time can enhance the quality of life for everyone involved.
More information on building successful relationships is available at county and district K-State Research and Extension offices and online at www.ksre.ksu.edu and www.aging@ksu.edu.
-30-