Tips for Parents:  School Activities - How Much is Too Much?

MANHATTAN, Kan. – Back-to-school days can generate a mix of anxiety, excitement and stress for students and their parents, who also may feel some conflict, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

“There is a natural tendency for parents to want to provide opportunities for children, yet at the same time, protect time for the family as a unit,” said Olsen, who advised, “stepping back and thinking about the family and its priorities before beginning to evaluate school and community activities.”

“Be realistic – and willing to ask tough questions,” she said. “If both parents work and children are in after-school or day care programs, picking up the children, settling back into the home after a day away and getting a meal on the table may be all a family can reasonably manage.”

While such a schedule might seem to best match families with younger children, the reality is that skipping some after-school or evening activities at any age level to bring the family together matters, Olsen said.

A strong family strengthens each family member, she said.

Does that mean that a family should shun school and community activities?

“No,” said Olsen. She encourages families to choose a mix of school, community and volunteer activities that will work within a realistic schedule.

“Consider choices individually and together,” said the family systems specialist, who offered tips to help families evaluate opportunities:    

* Talk with your child. Listen – and observe. See where a child’s interests lie before comparing the extent of the commitment with the time available and resources needed.

* Look at the big picture. Being on a soccer team will include afterschool practices, family time at games, travel to away games, and weekend time. A 30-minute music lesson once a week is another example. Practice requires a time commitment plus renting and insuring an instrument and cost of the lessons requires a financial commitment. In addition, scheduling transportation to and from an afterschool lesson can be difficult when both parents work.

* Teach decision-making skills. List the pros and cons for different activities, and then ask questions that will help a child evaluate opportunities, rather than deciding for them.

* Consider peer pressure for what it is, and decide accordingly. A child and his or her parents, who also can be subject to school-related peer pressure, but may not benefit when pressured to participate.

* Schedule family time, but occasionally, encourage a child to invite a friend. Doing so nurtures the child and his or her relationships, and provides an opportunity for parents to get acquainted with a child’s friends.

* Volunteer at school or community events as a family. While giving back is a way in which to share personal talents and energy, doing so as a family allows children to see their parents and siblings in leadership roles working to help others.

“Volunteering to staff a food pantry one Saturday morning a month or pitching in to help older neighbors with a seasonal yard cleanup provides a service while also uniting the family,” Olsen said.

Working together also can lay a foundation for community involvement and service that will benefit both the child and his or her community in the future, she said.

More information on managing family relationships is available at county and district K-State Research and Extension offices and on the Extension Web site: www.ksre.ksu.edu.