Tips for Parents: Middle School Years Call for Patience, Parental Involvement

MANHATTAN, Kan. – A new school year can offer its share of challenges and opportunities, yet parents may not realize that, for many children, the middle school years may be the most troublesome, said Charles A. “Chuck” Smith, a Kansas State University Research and Extension child development specialist.

Middle school years are mentally and physically challenging and, for students and their parents, often filled with anxiety and uncertainty, he said.

Much is new, said Smith, who noted that middle school students often advance to a larger building that may be in unfamiliar surroundings. They’re also asked to mix with students from other schools, adjust to a new class schedule and a variety of teaching styles, all while growing and developing as young adults.

Middle school students typically want to fit in, but not call attention to themselves, he said.            

Hormones are raging. Peer pressure is prevalent, and bullying, well, which is better? To be a victim – or a bystander, afraid to step in for fear of being the next victim? said Smith, who offered tips for parents of middle schoolers:

* Be involved. Let your child know that you are interested in his or her education.

* Make an effort to meet the teachers, attend school events and take advantage of opportunities for parent-teacher conferences.

* Participate in parent-teacher organizations or school booster groups to learn more about the school and how it works and to meet other parents.

* Make home a welcoming place to interact with family and friends.

* Encourage children to bring their friends home for a meal or family game night.

* Be flexible. If schedules make a family dinner difficult, try breakfast or a relaxed weekend brunch to gather.

* Try not to add to the stress, badger or interrogate a child. Often a child will volunteer information, including thoughts, feeling, or concerns, when doing something else, such as walking, riding in the car or learning how to make a dish to take to a picnic or potluck.  

* Listen to what a child is saying, but don’t rush to judgment. Take time to process the information and strive toward helping a child explore opportunities or resolve conflicts without doing it for him or her.

* Praise effort, but recognize that failures also can be learning experiences.

More tips for parents and families are available at K-State Research and Extension county and district offices and on Smith’s Web sites: http://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/wondhome.htm and http://www.raisingcourageouskids.com.

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